Hello my little Russell & (who knows who you’re father is) offspring,
If you are reading this letter, it means that I (your mother) is
upset with you. Yes, I am upset. With you.
This does not happen often so you must have really messed up.
You’ve probably made a bigger mess than that time you’ve tried to make me a Mother Day’s breakfast and ended up setting the whole kitchen on fire…
That was your dad.
Well, in that case, you’ve probably done something more diabolical than that time you wanted to see if you can dry the cat in the tumble dryer…
That was your dad too.
This means that you must have pulled another “Mommy-will-only-laugh-later-prank” on me like that time you put bleach in my shampoo, I ended up looking like a tiger and I had to go to one of your parent-teacher’s evenings…
That was your dad too, wasn’t it?
Okay sweetie, give this letter to your dad. Tell him that Mommy is probably upset with him and he owes me a bottle of wine and chocolate.