Things Said on First Dates…

Upon reading Paul Thomas Bell’s blog (http://paulthomasbell.com/2014/07/11/things-guys-have-said-to-women-on-dates/), I’ve decided  to conduct my own list of 

                                                      THINGS SAID ON FIRST DATES
                                                                 (to me of course)

But before I set off on my noble quest I must disclose the following:
1.Under normal circumstances I would not put an age restriction to a blog post. However, because of the profanity some guys used I think it’s best to say that this blog is PG13 and not suitable for sensitive viewers.
2.There is absolutely no way that I could have made this up. Welcome to the dating world in a little town called Secunda…

Without further ado, here is my list:

(curtain open)

                                                      THINGS SAID ON FIRST DATES

10# “If we got drunk tonight I bet I will be able to puke further than you. This one time I’ve puked and it hung in the air for a full second…”

9#”You have nice ears. Mind if I play with them?”
(Yes, he was referring to my actual ears) 

8# Pointing to the carpet in his lounge “Do you like the carpet? If you don’t, we can always get a new one when you move in”

7# “God told me that we should get married. So I was thinking maybe August? I mean why wait if we know that we are meant for each other”

6#”I’m gay. I’m sorry, I thought I could do this but I can’t. By the way, is your brother single?”

5#”You gym? That’s great. But listen…you will have to stop gyming once we get married. I don’t want a wife that looks better than me.”

4#”Have you considered having breast implants?”

3#”Yes the food is great. But seriously, have you considered having breast implants?”

2#”Wow, your calves are enormous!!! I bet you can kick-start a boeing. If the car breaks down next to the road, I won’t worry. I bet you can just kick-start it! Excuse me waiter, I don’t mean to alarm you, but my date has two huge guns under the table…she’s hiding them in her pants.”
(You get the idea. This went on for the whole date. At some point he even named my calves Chuck and Norris)

1#”I’m sorry, I don’t know if I like you yet. I need to test drive a car first before I can decide to purchase it. So, do you want to jump into the backseat of the car?”
(Yes, he was referring to me as being a car needing to be tested in the backseat of his car)

I want to thank these guys. They made it so easy to walk away…and in doing so I’ve walked closer to my Prince Charming.

(Curtain Close)

 

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