Have you seen my childhood?

Dear 12 year old Catherine,

You don’t know me. But I feel compelled to share some wisdom with you.
Your 13th birthday is coming up which brings a lot of pressure to grow up. Society is teaching you that you should no longer play (even though you are still young) but instead you should find yourself a boyfriend with the following things:

1. Lots of pocket money ( so that he can buy you chocolates at the tuck shop of course)
2. A bicycle and perhaps future plans for a 50cc bike ( every boy needs wheels so that he can come and visit you )
3. A high IQ ( he needs to be somewhere on the Top Ten Academics )
4. Strong back and arm muscles (he needs to be able to carry your school bag )

As fantastic as this all sounds, boy#1 will date you only for 2 weeks. He is going to break up with you and then tell you that you are “too quiet”. Then he is going to date your best friend and dump her 1 week later because she is “too loud”. Boys number 2 – 30 (yes, you did date a lot of guys. Mostly because you felt sorry for them and you just couldn’t say no) will stick around for a bit longer. But there is absolutely no chemistry.

Moral of the story? You do not need to start dating now. It’s not worth it…you will only find your “first love” when you are 19. ( The 19 year old you can expect a letter on that too)

The next thing that society tells you, is that you have to now start watching your weight. So you have to diet and do more frequent exercises. This whole idea of “being the perfect weight and figure” has spiraled you into an eating disorder. Yes, Catherine you eventually end up in the hospital because you are not eating.

Worried about getting fat? Stop it! You are now 28 years old and you are not fat. And guess what? You are still eating chocolates…

I know that lately you’ve wanted desperately to move out of the house and get your own car. You believe that owning a car and having your own place will make you free. Let me shed some light on this for you…

Will you be free when you have your own car? Yes. But only…

…when you have enough money for petrol and tollgates and e-toll
…when you take your car for frequent services ( it needs to go almost every year)
…when it’s not broken or stolen
….when people don’t drive into you.

When you’re older you will have your own car. And within a year your car has driven into a gate, smashed into a wall, had its number plates stolen, had its bumper stolen and the “cellphone-charger-thingy” has stopped working.

Oh! Did I mention that you live by yourself in a flat? It’s great! This is the 3rd flat that you’ve moved into within a year and a half. Flat#1 had a stalker. Flat#2 had no running water in the kitchen (you had to wash your dishes in the bathroom). Flat #3 (the one you are living in now) had a break-in – they broke in through your roof.

So you are probably wondering where I am going with this?

Catherine, enjoy your childhood.

Enjoy running and jumping.

Eat whatever you want to.

Don’t try and grow up too fast, okay?

28 year old Catherine


4 thoughts on “Pinings…

    • What? You’ve also dated way too many guys and drove into walls and gates? 🙂 I probably need to update this now – over the weekend I drove into a garage door AND into a “Cameraman”…

      Hehehe thank you for reading! 🙂

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